The Cheshire Cat
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In my previous post I posted some pictures that showed how I’ve changed physically. I also put another “before” picture in my About Andrew page.
I think that greater changes have happened mentally and emotionally.
When I was a bit younger and a lot larger I was famous for always smiling. One of my friends went so far as to call me the Cheshire Cat as I always had a silly grin on my face.
However, I don’t think I was particularly happy. Like the Cheshire Cat, sometimes all that was there was the smile with nobody behind it. I think my smile hid a deep seated insecurity and I was probably rather depressed a lot of the time.
My life has changed quite dramatically since those days. The most important change has been that I met a wonderful woman who became my wife. Through her quiet example she taught me to be a better person. Some of my friends think that she is the one who has ‘forced’ me to make all these changes in my life but that is not the case. She just set the example and I decided it was a good one to follow.
Since I’ve become healthier through eating right and doing more exercise I’ve felt so much better about myself. I know I’m not skinny or anything yet but like my fellow blogger Justtoofat, I find myself feeling skinny and you know what, it feels good.
She wrote on her blog:
Lately, I’ve been feeling so good about myself. I’ve been counting up the calories, eating (mostly) right, posting my food intake each day and exercising like a mad woman. I’ve even been taking expeditions to the far reaches of my closet, and returning with outfits that haven’t seen the light of day for years, only to find that many, many of my “skinny” clothes (if one can ever be forgiven for calling a size 22 skinny) are starting to fit again. And even though the scale hasn’t moved much in the last couple of weeks (I’m down a pound and a half from last week), when I’ve looked in the mirror recently, I haven’t seen a fat girl at all… rather, I’ve seen the new, healthier me.
And it’s funny, because I know that this change in attitude has translated to other aspects of my life as well. For example, I know that my walk has changed. The way I carry myself is completely different now. Whether it’s walking down the hall at work or passing another walker along the “loop” near my house, lately, I’ve been a little surprised myself by how easy it seems to make eye contact with other people, to smile and look them in the eye as I go by. The old me would have never had the courage to face other people in that way. Instead, I’d have searched the floor, or followed my feet to my next destination. I’ll tell you, it’s hard to carry around that kind of shame.
I can really identify with this (except I’m a guy not a girl. And I don’t wear dresses.) I think how we feel about ourselves impacts tremendously on our happiness levels. I feel a lot better about myself not just because I’ve lost weight but also because I’ve achieved (and am still achieving) lifestyle changes that I never believed would be possible for me. I’m getting fitter than I have EVER been and I’m still improving.
I’ve proven to myself that I can do what I thought was the impossible and so I feel less need to
have to prove myself to the world (if that makes sense). I think I’ve made peace with who I am as a person. Of course I still have off days and suchlike (boy there are a lot of things that annoy me!) but overall life is good. Maybe this happens to everyone as a function of getting older and wiser and I hope it does. Having said that I’ve been accused many a time of being hopelessly naive.
I will always I still have a cheesy grin but now I’m really happy.
*smile*
“I think how we feel about ourselves impacts tremendously on our happiness levels. I feel a lot better about myself not just because I’ve lost weight but also because I’ve achieved (and am still achieving) lifestyle changes that I never believed would be possible for me.”
You’re right… shedding that skin of hopelessness is, in so many ways, more of a relief than the actual loss of pounds (though I’m all for losing those too!). Believing that the future is full of possibility is, in my opinion, one of the keys to achieving your goals — no matter what they may be.
I’m so pleased that you’ve reached that point, Andrew.
Your grin is an inspiration to us all.
Keep smilin’!
j
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Hi Andrew
I have just discovered your site from marshmallows site and you are doing an amazing job. I know how exciting it is to run your first 5 km race as I went through the same thing last year. I am now training for my first 1/2 marathon as well. Your photos are great. You have lost so much weight
Have a great day
Kristy
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Kristy: Ooh! I love reading about people who have done what I’m trying to do. I’ve subscribed to your blog. Thanks for your support.
J2F: I’m smiling.
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You said:
“I will always I still have a cheesy grin but now I’m really happy.”
I was going to ask you about that, until I found that comment at the end of your post.
And the attitude changes indeed are at least as important as the physical changes. They really do work together. Thanks for sharing your insights.
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No worries. Thanks for visiting my blog Jim. The great comments and support that I’ve received here have really helped me on my journey.
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Nice post! You are always an inspiration!
hanlie’s last blog post..I love happy endings
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I reckon it’s the emotional and mental changes that are the ones most worth grinning about.
Good on you for having the trifecta though, Andrew!
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Thanks Kada and Hanlie.
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Excellent post, Andrew, and so very true. Hope is such a small word to have such a huge impact.
And I happen to like your “cheesy” grin. So there.
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Great post, Andrew. I think it’s right on point that this whole lifestyle change thing — weight loss and exercise particularly — is such a very mental and emotional exercise. Glad to see there’s happiness behind that smile!
Keep being happy.
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Just came to your blog from Tippy Toe. I noticed that you spell “colour” with a “u” and right away assumed you were a fellow Canadian. Well, New Zealand is close enough for those of us who still have the Queen on their money!
I will be back because you’ve got a lot of great stuff to check out. What a change in your appearance!
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Thanks Cammy and Jeff.
Manuela: Welcome to my blog. And yes, we do spell correctly in NZ.
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Well done! I don’t think I’ve done anything different. As for getting fitter, I think I will be trying to follow your footstep.
“Try” 
I started going to the gym again, slowly… sometimes I don’t know how you do it. 
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Do or do not. There is no try.
AndrewE’s last blog post..A run up a volcano
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That change is definitely the most important of all, and it has nothing to do with the number on the scale, but the accomplishment achieved. I heart that feeling so much!
And now that I’m looking at that picture of the Cheshire Cat, you do smile a lot like him! I’m glad that it’s a genuine smile now!
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Thanks WundaLucy.
AndrewE’s last blog post..A run up a volcano
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It takes dedication and perseverance to do what you did.
I am proud of you. You already have what people want in life. Happiness forever and you are right to thank Sally for it.
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It’s true. I’m a long, long way from skinny, but more and more, that is how I feel. Thin, lean, normal, happy… it’s all there, except I’m still wearing the fat suit on the outside. Peeling it off slowly but surely… it’s like a striptease for myself!
Cynthia’s last blog post..Tax day, weigh day
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Thanks TJ.
That’s the way Cynthia.
AndrewE’s last blog post..A run up a volcano
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